How I am able to live a Slow Life, Part One

Tangible Tools for the Highly Sensitive Mother

The morning had been sunny, almost impossibly so, given what we’d experienced the previous night and what was to come later in the afternoon. I had shrugged off my down vest that my spouse had bought from the thrift store and shoved it into my backpack, along with the children’s sweatshirts. We were walking to town to get a bit of pastry from the bakery as it had been a rough sort of morning — too many nature documentaries and Disney movies and more rounds of Go Fish than should ever be played in one sitting. We were hoping to see the turkeys that live at the top of the little hill right before town, and they did not disappoint. They made us wait for it, not showing themselves until the very last moment. We’s almost given up on them, my son dejectedly kicking the gravel, when we heard the unmistakable “gobble-gobble-gobble-gobble.” Did you know wild turkeys like to hang out in trees? Did you know that the joy of kids seeing wild turkeys on a Sunday walk overshadows all the whining and tantrums that precede it? Did you know that their laughter and imitation turkey calls are absolutely contagious?

wild Northern California turkeys in trees

Our walk took us to town and back, through the jaunty hustle of well-to-do folks out for morning strolls and little errands. We met many families walking their dogs and others rushing into the park for one of the many children’s birthday parties that were being hosted there. I breathed in a deep sigh of relief as we crossed our threshold back into our home — while I do love taking long walks, the ones in nature are much more restorative for my nervous system than these journeys into town.

Last week I talked about consumption influencers, slow living advocates, and the crossover between the two. How what we need is usually not more stuff to make our lives easier or slower. How we need to recognize our own needs, deepen community ties, stop scrolling, and actually slow down in real life. Here it is if you missed it:

In a 180-degree pivot, I’m writing today about actual tangible tools that have made slow living easier for me. Some of these tools are things one can buy. I recognize the ironic juxtaposition of these two letters appearing one right after another. A nearly imperceptible different between myself and the slow living influencers I speak of? I am not profiting off of these recommendations. I receive no commission from these links. I share them because I have purchased them and they have dramatically improved my life. A bold claim? Perhaps. But also accurate.

I am a Highly Sensitive Person. I also have heaps of childhood trauma that causes my brain to act in ways that some people would label as ADHD or Autistic, though I have neither of these conditions. I believe the way we talk about neurodivergence is still inadequate, and that as time goes on, we will see that every brain that doesn’t naturally present as the capitalist ideal will be considered part of a greater network of neurodiversity. But I am not a psychologist or a scientist, so take all of this with a grain of salt.

These tools are things that help my lightly neurodiverse brain filter out the things that cause it to activate nervous system vigilance. When my nervous system is rested and in the ventral vagal / calm, safe, and settled state, I am able to move through my day with slowness and deliberate action. My responses to everyday challenges (grumpy kids, bills to pay, endless laundry, uncooperative weather) are much more measured and practical. I can be my highest and best self in these moments, and slow living represents my natural habitat. However, when my sympathetic nervous system is activated into fight, flight, or freeze, moving with deliberate slowness or intention is utterly impossible. I am constantly rushing about to fix problems and make the madness stop.

And so, most of the practical, tangible tools I have acquired on this journey are things that assist my nervous system. If you are similar to me in the way your hyper vigilance gets activated, you might also find these tools helpful. If your brain operates differently, perhaps they will be less helpful. Use these recommendations as a jumping off point to examine what your own personal blocks are to slowing down, and then see what tools might be best suited for you.

Flare Calmer Soft Mini

I discovered these soft, tiny, hollow silicone earbuds on social media, and was skeptical that they could do much of anything. At a relatively low price point (about $25), it seemed like a wise gamble, given that they promised to reduce certain annoying high frequencies that can trigger sound overwhelm. The makers advise you to wear them as much as possible for the first 24 hours; this enables your brain to more fully appreciate the subtle shift that is taking place in your ears. Friends, let me tell you, it did not even take me that long before I turned to my spouse and whispered, “I am never taking these off.” I had tears in my eyes. I now put them in the moment I hear my children’s feet hit the floor in the morning, and remove them only once they have fallen asleep for the night. They are simply glorious. They do not muffle or mask any sounds. As best I understand it, they prevent the high-frequency sounds (kids shrieking, dogs barking, remote control cars zooming) so that those sounds don’t vibrate and bounce around in your ear canal. It is these vibrations that can trigger the fight/flight/freeze response in many of us. So now when I hear these screechier sounds, I can mentally register that they are annoying, but they produce no physical response in my body. Amazing! I think they should be handed out to all parents upon the birth of their children. Certainly, they can greatly improve the daily lives of children and adults who suffer from sound sensitivity. Ten out of ten, recommend.

Bose Noise Cancelling 700 Headphones

I bought a renewed pair of these as a birthday present for myself a few years ago, and they are positively dreamy. There are ten levels of noise cancellation (separate from the volume), so if I need to block out all sounds, I turn it up to the highest setting. In my everyday work, I keep it to level six. This enables me to hear my children and the world around me, but just at a slightly lower volume. And then I use zero as well, when I need to be fully present but also listen to my soothing rain soundscape from the MyNoise app (read more about that here). I just replaced the ear pad cups on these headphones, and it makes me so happy to not have to buy a whole new pair when they wear out.

Brick

This genius little tool dramatically cuts down on my phone scrolling time. I wrote about it right after I purchased it (here’s the link) and I have to say that it is just as useful as I had hoped. The key is remembering to turn it on — as long as I do that, my ability to focus and stop window shopping or falling into social media can stretch for hours. I know social media can be a real boon to those with mental health struggles or the immunocompromised, but I also know that it creates such a horrible attention suck for the majority of folks. It prevents us from noticing the life around us. It engrosses us so deeply that we become snappish when someone startles us out of it. It can be so destructive for our self-esteem. All of these things are stubborn barriers to living a heart-centered life of slow intention. So any tool that can help us cut down our screen time is well worth it.

A good reading light

Night time is one of the worst times for staring at a screen — you’ve head about blue light ad nauseam, I’m sure. Time to read is at the top of my list for what constitutes a slower life, and I have been getting much more reading done in the evening hours with the help of book lights. I have not yet found a favorite, so if you have any suggestions in this department I would love to receive them. I am looking for a book light that is sturdy (between my clumsiness and my two rambunctious children, books get dropped frequently in this house!), has varying degrees of light temperature (warm yellow light is so much more pleasurable to me in the evenings than bright white light), and is powerful enough to cast light across two open pages simultaneously. A tall order, perhaps, but I am sure there is an answer out there somewhere!

Capacities

Another way to reduce screen time use to become more efficient with it. Because I am always in search of the most efficient way to store and access information, I am a bit of note app princess. I have used Evernote for ten years now, and can fondly remember all of my old favorites like WorkFlowy and Wunderlist. In recent years, I have been working on building a physical Zettlekasten (a type of personal knowledge management system to catalog all of your ideas and thoughts) and have been longing for a way to integrate it with my Evernote. Enter Capacities. The brilliant Meg Conley actually did a great write up of this software in this article, so I will direct you there to learn more. For now, I can just tell you that by slowly migrating everything off of Evernote and out of a shoebox of index cards, I am integrating my life in a way I didn’t believe possible. For someone whose work is deeply intertwined with her personal life, it’s been such a gift to be able to organize my thoughts and ideas in this new way. I am still learning the full capabilities of Capacities, but it is astonishing how helpful it has been to my productivity. Efficiency might seem like a value contradictory to slow living, but it is actually at its heart. It is through the efficiency of an Instant Pot or the dishwasher that we are able to read to our children on the sofa for an extra ten minutes. Efficiency creates spaciousness, and spaciousness begets slowness.

Next week, I will share some more supports I have in the way of intangible tools on this slow living journey. Choices I have made that make slow living easier for me. Cooking philosophies and practices that allow for a slower lifestyle. Please do share with us in the comments or a note what your favorite tools you use in your journey.

With so much love,

Kristina